


Seen, Heard and Understood

by ScrollingKingfisher



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Caduceus Clay, Asexual Character, Cameos by the rest of the nein, also mentions of Veth and Caleb's complicated relationship, mentions of Beauyasha, mildly raunchy Tusk Love segments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29068464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrollingKingfisher/pseuds/ScrollingKingfisher
Summary: In which there are dramatic readings of poorly-written smut, Vess Darogna fails to appear for breakfast, and two very different people have a conversation about love.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	Seen, Heard and Understood

**Author's Note:**

> This is a couple of weeks out of date now (especially given Veth and Caleb's conversation in 122), but it's still holding up for now! 
> 
> For this fic I'd like to thank Mr Taliesin Jaffe, for giving me the best representation I could ever have hoped for. I have never felt more seen.  
> But I'd also like to thank Mr Sam Riegal, for the reaction to someone coming out as ace that I never even knew I wanted.

Veth hadn’t really expected the thing with Caduceus and relationships to be mentioned again unless someone asked. After all, it wasn’t really relavent most of the time, they’d be travelling together for over six months and the previous day was the first time they’d even broached the subject. But the morning that they were meant to set off into the wilds of Eiselcross it came up again.

They’d anticipated a busy morning, and for once they’d been on time. They’d had breakfast, gathered rations, located their guide, packed their things, and...nothing. Vess hadn’t appeared.   


It was now two hours later, and everyone was visibly bored. Caleb and Flord were slouched over one of the worn tables, playing cards. Beau and Yasha had taken themselves off to the quiet corner by the fire to have a private conversation. Jester, on the other hand, had decided to while away the time by giving the other residents of the bar a dramatic reading of Tusk Love. 

There she stood, in the very centre of the room, one hand thrown out for maximum effect. Two grizzled-looking regulars were watching, mouths agape, entranced. The barkeep was pretending not to be listening in as well, but he’d been polishing the same tankard for the last fifteen minutes.

“ _ ”Oh Oskar!” She cried, her bosom heaving, her nipples straining against the sheer fabric of her blouse as though they were about to burst forth! “Please, Oskar, I need you to-”” _ Jester paused to turn a dog-eared, swamp-stained page,  _ “-to warm my long cold heart! Take me now! My body is ready!”” _

Veth yawned a little as she listened, tinkering idly with a bolt. Sure, Tusk Love had been entertaining the first few times, even kind of titillating in it’s poorly written way, but after months on the road with no other reading material the purple prose was getting dull. Fjord didn’t even blush at the really raunchy parts anymore which meant that most of the fun had gone out of it. 

Her eyes wandered away from Jester to where Caduceus was sitting next to her. His eyes were fixed on the table in front of him, where he was carefully portioning the travel grain he’d bought into little bags, but she could see that one long ear was tilted towards Jester. 

_ “‘Oskar swept her into his arms, holding her tight to his washboard abs! “My love… we’re going to need… a bigger bed!”” _ _   
_   
Caduceus’ ear twitched, and a tiny grin curled the corner of his mouth, even though he didn’t look up from his grain sorting. Seeing him listening like that reminded Veth of the brief conversation they’d had the other day. She hadn’t thought too deeply on it at the time. It just hadn’t really occurred to her before, that some people might not want sex, or relationships even. She’d never given much thought to how that might feel. But the more she thought about it, the more they talked about sex  _ all the time! _ Was he… okay with that? 

She squinted at him out of the corner of her eye, trying to not let on that she was staring. Sure, Caduceus looked serene on the surface. But he always looked serene, and now, hearing Jester enthusiastically describing the lurid details of Oskar and Guinevere getting down and dirty… maybe she should just ask him.

“Hey, uh, Caduceus?”

“Mmhmh?” the ear flicked in her direction.

“You don’t mind when we read Tusk love, do you?”   
  
Caduceus finished pouring the grain into the last bag and looked down at her, blinking slowly. “Not at all, why?”   
  
She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Well, I was thinking about our conversation yesterday, and I realised that none of this is really in your wheelhouse, like you said, so I just wanted to make sure that…”

A small smile started to curl up the corners of his mouth. “Oh, that? Nah. This is fine. This,” he gestured to where Jester had clambered up onto a chair for a better stage, “this is entertainment.”

She looked up to meet his eyes. “And we haven’t been making you uncomfortable, talking about sex and crushes? I just realised that  _ all  _ of us talk about this stuff, all the time! And… I wondered. Just thought I’d check, you know?”

He chuckled at that. “No, thank you for asking, that’s very thoughtful of you, but I’m not upset at all. Sex is a very natural thing.”

A quiet fell over their table as they watched Jester dramatically act out the part where Guinevere gets kidnapped and Oskar has to chase after them naked in the snow. Veth kept her eye on him as Caduceus slouched back in his chair with a satisfied sign. It had taken her a while to warm up to him at first. She knew she was suspicious sometimes, and they were so different in so many ways. 

She tried to imagine it, for a second; to look at everyone and never feel that tug of interest. Not even once. She had to admit- she didn’t get it. But that was fine. She didn’t need to. 

She took another sip of the thin ale, then grimaced at the taste and set it aside. “Why did you never tell us?”   
  
“What, about not being interested in anyone?” Caduceus just shrugged. “Well, it wasn’t really relevant. It just never came up until yesterday.” 

“Was that the only reason?”   
  
Caduceus took a moment to ponder. One long, boney, lightly-furred finger tapped against the table. “Hmm. Well, I didn’t think I was avoiding mentioning it per-say, but maybe I was, without meaning to. I was alone for a very long time in the Grove. So not wanting… any of that, it never really came up or bothered me. But then, I met you all, and I got out into the world, and I started to realise that it’s a really big thing for a lot of people. I know that for you, sex, relationships, all that, it’s a big part of your life- I wasn’t sure how you might react to knowing it really wasn’t for me, and I didn’t want it made into an issue when it isn’t one. I love all of you,” he declared easily, “but I know that I don’t mean that in the way that other people might mean it. To be honest, I don’t think anyone means those words the same way. But I know that while you all certainly mean a great deal to me, I’ve never wanted a relationship, physical or romantic, with anyone,” he gestured towards where Jester was orating Oskar and Guinevere’s tearful reunion, “and I wasn’t sure how much any of you would… get it.”

It was probably the most words she’d ever heard Caduceus speak in one go. Veth blinked at him for a second, thinking about it, then nodded. “No, I- I think I get it. Sort of. Or I get why you might not have told us anyway. People get weird about sex and relationships! I like a good roll in the hay, I’ve never hidden that, and I love my husband more than I can really put words to… but it’s not everything, you know? There’s more important things. At the moment… well, not dying is pretty high on the list. We’re dealing with the Dynasty, and the Assembly, and probably, I don’t know, giant death wolves or something nearly every day. So that comes first! And even then,” she waved one hand towards their friends around them, “I don’t have to want to have sex with someone to love them. The Mighty Nein are my family now, just as much as Yeza. Often, being there for someone, being their friend is more important than wanting to have sex with them, or… or wanting to be romantic with them. And sometimes wanting to have sex is really fucking annoying when you can’t have it. Or when you’re attracted to someone you don’t want to be attracted to. It’s inconvenient.”

Caduceus nodded sympathetically. “Oh yeah, that sounds terrible. Yeah, I don’t think I’d like that at all. I can’t imagine my emotions getting in the way like that. Having it be something you can’t control. And then, if it was the wrong person, you’d have to try and hide it, right?” She nodded. “Kinda like you and mister Caleb…”

Veth froze, as though a bucket of ice water had just been dumped over her head. Oh, shit. “You… you know about that?” A sudden, horrible thought crossed her mind. “Oh gods, it’s not obvious is it?” Fuck, if Yeza had noticed...   
  
“No, no, not at all,” Caduceus rumbled reassuringly, waving one hand through the air. “Like I said, it’s easier with other people. I see a lot. Nobody else has noticed, I think. Just the way you sometimes look at him, is all.”

Veth let herself breathe for a second, letting the relief soak into her bones. Thank the gods, that would have been a series of very awkward conversations and another helping of guilt she didn’t need on her shoulders.

When she looked up, Caduceus was still watching her, blinking slowly but expectantly. She grimaced and took another reluctant sip of ale to brace herself. “There was a brief moment, one second, right when we first met in that cell, when I thought about it. He’s such a handsome man, you know?” she paused. “Wait, _do_ you know? Can you tell?”  
  
“Objectively, yeah, I can tell if someone’s… uh… hot.”  
  
She couldn’t help the snicker at his awkward phrasing, and his answering smile let her relax enough to press on. “But anyway, soon after that Caleb became so much more important to me than a one night stand could ever be. We’ve always been complicated- I don’t want to make it worse. But I know he loves me, he loved me even while I was a goblin; he won’t believe me when I tell him but he’s such a good man. And then he helped me get my proper body back, be myself again, and I decided right then and there that I would be whatever he needed, no matter if it was a friend, or a protector or what it was. It doesn’t matter to me. I’ll follow him to the ends of the earth.”

She glanced over to where Caleb was playing cards with Fjord. Even from here, she could see the gleam in his eyes, the tiny quirk of his mouth that meant he’d got a winning hand. That familiar fondness washed through her, and she knew that Caduceus could see it on her face when she turned back to him. “Jester’s always going on about her stories where people confess their feelings to one another and it always turns out they felt that way the whole time, but that’s not how love works in real life. Caleb’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’m not willing to fuck that up for a crush. Plus, I’m married! Happily married!” she paused, allowing herself a wicked grin. “Not that I  _ know  _ it would be a deal-breaker if Yeza found out. He knows full well about my crushes.”

Caduceus leaned forwards, his long ears twitching to angle towards her. “Really?”

“Oh yeah. I told him my list of unachievable people I’d have sex with if I could, and he went bright red but he told me his list as well. But I think it would be different if it was someone I was travelling with. And he wouldn’t judge me or anything like that, he’s far too nice, far too good for me, but I’d be worried about him thinking that he’s not enough and it would just make everything so much more complicated… how did we get on this topic? We were meant to be talking about you!”

“Well, I think we were discussing the full range of possible sexuality, as well as the fact that  _ love _ as a complex whole encompasses far more than the sexual or romantic aspects that people often reduce it to, and that bonds of platonic love, such as the ones which exist between all of us, are just as important.” He blinked. “Huh” 

Veth glanced over to Beau and Yasha’s conversation. Whatever they were talking about, Yasha’s face was so red they could have lit a torch from it. “Well, most of us are platonic.”

Caduceus followed her gaze. “Oh; heh, yeah. That’s fun to watch. It’s nice seeing them get better at it.”

Veth took another sip of her drink, contemplating as she watched Beau and Yasha dance around each other. “You think we should set them up on a date to help them out? Something romantic, maybe? We could totally lock them in the hot tub room in Caleb’s tower.”   
  
“Hmm. No, I think they’ll get there eventually. They’re on the right path now. We don’t want to get in the way.” He paused, looked down at her again. “You know, I… I want you to know that I appreciate your attitude towards this whole thing. My parents, when I tried to tell them when I was younger that I wasn’t interested in going to the other clans to look for a mate, they were supportive but... hmm. They told me not to worry, because maybe I was a late bloomer, that finding someone I’m romantically interested in was still possible and I shouldn’t give up hope, and I knew all that.” He sighed. “I know it’s a possibility that one day I might find someone I’m interested in, I just don’t think it’s a very likely one, or one I was interested in pursuing. They were accepting, in the end, but they were also kinda pitying. And I couldn’t put my finger on why it annoyed me until I told you, and you were actually… happy for me.”

Veth patted him on the arm. “Of course! You seemed happy with it, and you should be! Everyone deserves to be happy being who they are.”

He smiled at her as though he knew exactly what she meant. He probably did. 

_ “And they lived, happily ever after! The end!”  _

Jester took a bow from her stage as her audience started applauding. At the other table, Fjord made a loud indignant noise and Caleb laughed as he lay his winning cards down. By the fireplace, Beau and Yasha’s hands were inching steadily closer, even as the blush crept up the back of Beau’s neck. Veth smiled to herself. They really would live happily ever after eventually, she thought. They really, really would. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
